A word on the water crisis

My fellow earthlings, I know we have a water crisis. I know about climate change, about all those people in Africa who need to walk miles for meager amounts of water.
However! Not flushing in the loo is not going to help with the crisis in the long term… in any term for that matter. If you feel really guilty, build a water harvesting structure, or donate to Africa or something. And if you *must* economise on flushing, please do it in your house. At work, please spare the rest of us from the consequences of using the loo after you.
I’m fairly certain the African kids’ll be pretty understanding. Yes?

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The one thing we havent yet outsourced..

Put nights, are Friday nights with friends of mine that go by in a haze. The average put night, is like a Times of India article-  good fun, but not much by way of intellectual content, which is exactly how we like it.

The latest one however threw up a gem of an idea. While channel hopping, we landed on one showing Jumanji, dubbed in Hindi. It had a black (differently coloured, for the politically correct) cop generally behaving dumb, in much of the comic scenes towards the end. Being a Hindi dubbing, he was made to mouth lines like “Ayyo meri gaadi”, when his car was washed away,etc, you get the picture.

Mando, who is into theatre, and has an MBA as well (both backgrounds will be important to what is to follow) pointed out that the comedian’s facial contortions resembled that of that stalwart of Tamil cinema, Vadivelu. The South Indian twist to the cop’s dialogues only served to heighten the similarity.

The comparison being moderately funny, we chuckled and got ready to move on, when the business administrator in Mando struck upon a brilliant plan- given how South Indian comedians, seem to look a bit like their African-American counterparts, what if someone were to outsource them to Hollywood? Low cost blacks, straight out of South India, we can let them hire *our* minority for much less. Producers of low cost Hollywood films’ll have tears in their eyes as they’re able to rein in expenditure, and who knows, one of ’em might even be the next coloured person after Denzel Washington to win the Oscar.

So, um, how do you go about hiring ships? Anyone? I’m just asking..

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Fame!

haha! Feel special people, for you are reading the blog of a man who is famous- I now get people on the blog searching for “sudharsan five point someone”!
So after shows when no one came up to me to congratulate me or merely gawk (as they were doing with other male cast members), I thought they didnt care, but apparently they were shy, and decided to go home and google me! muhahaha!
(Also they’ve got my spelling right in the search, which is very heartening)
Of course there are also those who search for ‘photo of smelly dog’ and land at my blog, but we’ll ignore those for now..

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Mortification

What with all the (google) Buzz updates, I almost missed one from a friend that went ‘never put your tongue where it doesnt belong’.
Obviously curious, I eagerly enquired where he’d stuck it, and was stunned to learn it was his laptop charger. And he’d done it at because he was bored at work.
My first thought was what if someone’d seen him? Imagine coming off lunch, a little sleepy, preparing yourself to grapple with that dratted project when you suddenly see a random colleague sitting in his cube with his laptop charger in his mouth. Dunno about you, but I might’ve thought he’d just swallowed the laptop.
But you know whats worse? What if he’d died? Can you imagine how embarrassing life’ld be for his friends (thats us)?
Shocked friend: Oh my God, P just died..
Well wisher: What? I’m sorry.. how did it happen?
<Awkward silence>
SF: He.. er stuck a laptop charger in his mouth..
WW: ???!!
Seriously people, if you’re going down,  do it with style. Think Michael Jackson, or Navjot Sidhu (he’s gone right?) or something.
(Ironically P runs a webcomic called chronicles of the Riddiculous. Okay.)
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Why Yoda-talk doesnt always work..

Friend1:Understand this you will not..
F2: Huh?
Me: (Getting it) Yoda-talk, it is..
F1: Right you are
F3: (Not a star wars fan) Suck you guys
F4: (Not getting it at all) Um.. no thanks..

p.s. Lame I know, but its been months and I just wanted post something. Funny drunk incident post coming soon..

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Crisis

The problem with running a humour blog is that a lack of ideas for posts implies a lack of humour in life.
Must come up with something.

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Your own 6 rack.. er pack

Warning: Subject matter is a story seen in DNA (the paper). You know what to expect..

Its 1:30 AM and I’d almost fallen asleep a couple of minutes back, when I heard the gentle chirp of tweetdeck. I could have rolled over under the quilt in which case I’d have been asleep now, but I decided to check the tweet instead ( you see, this is how I use the laptop) and was stunned to find a link to an article about a stage hypnotist who claims he can enlarge breasts!

The first question that came to mind was- What is the equivalent effect in men? I ask only because I have for some unknown reason been a target of online marketers of er.. organ enlargement drugs, creams and even techniques (don’t ask!). Given that my inbox has been bombarded by all types of people looking to.. lend a helping hand, so to speak, I was surprised that I hadn’t heard of the hypnosis thing.

Reading the article however quickly solved that puzzle. Apparently the routine involves playing a CD with the chap intoning “Your breasts are growing… they are growing larger..”.. ah, well done sir! A very specific treatment, rules out any side effects. A spouse stepping into the room with his wife listening the CD for instance, wouldn’t suddenly find himself in the embarrassing position of inexplicable sexual excitement (although he might be very surprised, if not downright shocked to hear a disembodied voice commenting on his wife’s breasts).

But of course, where one clear advantage of such a specific approach is seen above, there is a huge disadvantage too. Given the chant is aimed squarely at breasts, without discrimination towards age, colour or more relevantly gender, in case it does work, a male might not want to be too close to CD, lest he falls asleep and wakes up to find the dratted thing had been playing on a loop all night! Gasp!

Sadly, the article (yes I knew you’d want to read it for yourself) wasn’t much longer, and ended with the hypnotist’s rebuttal to a BBC show, that has apparently rubbished his claim. Reading it, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for the guy. There, a well funded network has used its airtime to tear into him, and all he came up with was a sad plea that the BBC “could at least have tried it”. Does sound like a nice (if mildly eccentric) guy, doesn’t he? 😀

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